Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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