when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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