i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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