After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
