I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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