i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
where does the pee come out of this thing
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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