So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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