Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hippo gnu deer
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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