oh god the rape fog is back!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
