May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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