you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
