so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
