Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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