Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I intend to get homeless drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
