You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
