I accidentally had phone sex last night
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize