My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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