In the future we'll all be gay
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm always down for nudity.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
