Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
