I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
