Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
