tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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