I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
