I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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