I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
