You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
