He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize