Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
