just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
