Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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