I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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