i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
