Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
