she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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