He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize