I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
