we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
