I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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