I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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