You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
