his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
