thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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