You're completely useless in the revolution.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
