Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
