I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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