She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
