And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize