How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
