just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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