Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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