Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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