How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
