so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
