So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize