I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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