I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
