In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
