After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Im part way to drunk.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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