just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
