You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
