Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
