Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Randomize
