JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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