What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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