Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
PANTIES FOUND
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