Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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