Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
