Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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